Word of the Year

My word for this year is “curiosity.” I’ve never chosen a word for the year before, and I really didn’t have plans to pick a word this year. But this word, “curious” or some form of it, kept coming up over and over again. And yesterday, as it popped into my head once more, I thought, God is trying to tell me something.

I know lots of people who pick a word every year. And usually it serves a good purpose for them. For some, it simply makes them intentional to look for something, like my friend Ellen, who picked the word “Joy” the year after her husband passed. It helped her look for, and find joy everywhere.

Other people pick words to help shape themselves. Like one friend who picked the word “compassionate” one year, in order to cultivate more compassion for others. And another friend, picked the word “grace,” not for others, so much, as to cultivate grace for herself. She said it really helped get rid of the negative self-talk.

Some people post the word somewhere prominent to remind themselves of their intention. Some write a few lines in their journal reflecting on their word, each day or week. Some pray over their word and ask God to use it to shape their soul. I plan to pray and journal about my word.

I’m guessing, you might be curious about why I chose this word. (See what I did there?) Why would someone want to be intentional about curiosity? As I said earlier, this word kept popping up in some form or another recently. But first…

How many of you grew up with the phrase, “Curiosity killed the cat?” Me too. I was trained (intentionally or not) that curiosity was not a good thing. Being curious somehow implied that the person was digging into another’s business, or getting into something that didn’t belong to them. And as a person with a degree in child development, this couldn’t be more wrong. We should encourage curiosity in our children, it is one of the greatest learning tools we have. Instead, our education system is built to deny curiosity, which may be one of the major problems with it. But I digress. 

I never thought much about my contrary understanding of curiosity, it was just there in my unconscious paradigm. Then a while back, in a seminary class on Pastoral Care, we were instructed that one way to listen well is to stay curious. In other words, instead of letting your mind wander when you should be listening to someone, be curious about what they are saying. Not in an analytical way (that is part of pastoral counseling for sure), but in a wonderment and fascination sort of way. Become curious about the details, or the person as they share the story, or the unique aspects of the perspective. I found it to be a very helpful tool in active listening. It leads to questions and usually an insightful discussion. I have had to practice it, but curiosity has served me well in many, many pastoral conversations since then. 

This weekend, I was preaching about the Magi (wisemen) from the Bible. You know – the ones who traveled from the East to present the new baby Jesus with gold, frankincense and myrrh. Anywhoo, the message was about how King Herod and the Magi responded differently to the news of the “King of the Jews” being born. Herod was overcome with fear, he was afraid of losing his status, wealth, and power to this new King. The Magi, on the other hand, responded with awe, curiosity, and a longing to find out if this story was true. They followed that star for many miles and many days to find this new baby. 

And it dawned on me while I was preaching, that a lack of curiosity is one thing sorely missing in our society today. And not just in the education system.  

What if, when we encountered someone different from us, a different idea, or a different point of view, we became curious? What if, instead of defensiveness, listening only long enough to get our word in, or attacking the other, what if we got curious instead? What if, instead of the immediate assumption that different = wrong, we assumed everyone is doing the best with the information they have, and let curiosity about the other person, idea, or point of view take over? What if we asked ourselves and the other, questions like, “I wonder why they think this way?” “I’d like to hear more about your reasoning.” “What sort of background do you have?” “I wonder if there is another side to this.” “I wonder if we have more in common than not.” 

What if the simple, though not necessarily easy, stance of curiosity, wonder, and fascination with one another could stop some of the major discord and hate in our world?

That idea struck me as a good idea for my own soul, in trying to understand others and their perspectives. Not just in pastoral conversations, but in everyday encounters. Sometimes I forget that everyone is doing the best they can, and sometimes my initial instinct is to make assumptions about others, instead of remaining open.

So, the idea to choose a word, this word (curiosity), as my word for the year was beginning to cement. I was praying about it. And then, yesterday afternoon, I was reminded of a quote by the great Ted Lasso, “Be curious not judgmental.” I think God often speaks through Ted. How about you?