A while back my then 8-year-old son said, “Mom, what do you think I should be when I grow up?” My immediate thought was, “He could be anything he wants to be, but how do I communicate that to him so he really knows it in his core?” I decided to state the obvious. “Grayson, you are so smart and creative; you could really be anything you want to be.” He just grinned and said, “Yea, you’re right.” He obviously had that message down!
We have discussed this topic over the years, but it is usually me bringing it up to remind him how much I believe in him. That is one of those core messages I want my children to get. You probably have a few of those messages as well. However, a lot of those messages only let children know what we think. I would rather find words that build them up on the inside and give them the confidence they need to make it in this world.
David Staal, a former Children’s Minister has written a book called Words Kids Need to Hear. It is a short and simple book that could easily be read in a day or two. I recommend it to all parents or people who have a strong influence in a child’s life. You can find it through Zondervan.com. Staal gives us 7 phrases that can make a significant impact on our children. They are: I believe in you; You can count on me; I treasure you; Because; No; I love you, and I’m sorry, please forgive me. I really appreciate how Staal gives examples and stories to demonstrate how to pack these messages into our every day lives. If you are like me, some of these messages I am already good at passing on to my kiddos, but there are a few that I need to work on. What I love about these phrases is that there is a balance in them. Not only are we to teach them that they can count on us, but also to tell them we are sorry and ask for forgiveness when we fail. We are to convey how much we love and treasure them, but at the same time use the word “no” when necessary as a way to demonstrate healthy boundaries.
Keep in mind I am not suggesting we should all carefully scrutinize or choose every word we say to our children. That would only set us up to fail. Don’t we beat ourselves up enough as parents? No, these phrases are meant to give you a few simple words that can have a profound impact on a child’s life, despite the other negative messages they receive and the various ways we mess up as parents.
All kids have their ups and downs. Some more than others. Kids need a person who they can share anything that’s on the mind. They need to hear loving words so they don’t believe all the negativity they hear everywhere else. Talk with your kids and find other adults who will be encouragers in their lives as well. Together we will tell them the words they need to hear.