Parenting is hard. I often talk with parents about discipline issues concerning their children. While each situation is different and we often have to try various methods with our children, the number one phrase I hear is, “I’m tired of yelling and threatening.” So how do we even get to that point in our parenting?
Let’s face it – sometimes, we’re just tired. We don’t feel like reminding our child to pick up their toys one more time. It takes work to enforce rules, talk through situations and follow through on consequences. It’s easier to take their plate to the kitchen than to ask them to do it, again. It’s less stressful to let them watch TV than to enforce a rule and bear the crying and tantrum that will follow. But here’s the deal- if you put a little extra work in up front – it is actually easier later. Try a new plan in your home:
- Keep rules to a minimum. Have only a few major rules that you enforce at all times. Examples might be – Show respect for others, always tell the truth, and respect our home. Refer every infraction back to one of those core rules.
- Adapt the consequences and keep them age appropriate. You need the freedom to adapt to the situation and the child. While one child may respond to a stern voice and reprimand, another may need to have privileges taken away. A two-minute time out is good for an angry 3 year-old, but not enough for an angry 9 year-old.
- No warnings: When the rules are clear in your home, you do not have to give warnings. A warning just tells a child that you may not mean what you say. I know it seems harsh, but kids crave boundaries. Clear rules and immediate consequences without warnings give them a sense of safety.
- Discipline with gentleness. Harshness comes in your voice and your actions, so keep your anger in check and give them respect in how you deal with them.
- Be consistent. If your children know that you mean what you say with regards to rules, they will know they can trust you in all matters. As they get older, that level of trust will help you navigate difficult times with a relationship based on mutual trust and respect.
Pray over this idea and ask God to give you strength, wisdom and discernment. If your children are old enough to understand, sit them down and tell them you are changing some things in how you parent because you love them. Give them the house rules, talk about what they mean and let them know that you will not give warnings. This extra work now will save hours of work down the road! You can do it!