Mama Bear

I’m like a momma bear when anyone comes after one of my kids! Claws and teeth come out when anything threatens one of them. But I’m learning that protecting them from danger and protecting them from struggle are two different things. And perhaps I should save my claws for the danger, not the struggle.

In our culture of privilege and plenty, we fear the smallest difficulties for our kids. We try to prevent anything from harming them. They have a problem with a teacher; we remove them from that class. A friend is not nice to them; we prevent them from any interaction with that child. They struggle in schoolwork, we do it for them or get them moved to an easier class. They want something they can’t afford, we buy it for them, even if we ourselves can’t afford it either. But are we actually doing more harm by keeping them from the struggle, frustration and sometimes pain of a difficult situation? If we want them to become adults who are in a deep relationship with Christ, or if we just want independent, self-sufficient people who can move out of our houses someday, then I say keep the claws to a minimum.

This is not easy for us as parents, but our pain will be worth the effort as well. I have watched my daughter struggle in one area of her life for the past several years. It’s an area of her life she loves, and spends a lot of time devoted to. But it is also an area where her strengths are not necessarily an asset. She’s compassionate, kind, and always thinking of others. So when assertiveness is required, she worries about what others will think. When winning should be the motivation, she worries how the losers will feel.

It would be easy to pull her out of this activity, and at times we both think about it. But we both understand that she is learning great life lessons that will serve her for a time to come. She is learning to utilize her strengths in new ways, and discovering areas of growth that may become strengths later in life. She is learning what it is to not be great at everything. But mostly, she is learning to go to her knees. We have cried and prayed together more over this one area of her life than anything else. And God continues to answer our prayers. Not usually how we expect him to, but always an answer. And usually in ways that are better than we could have planned. He continues to show us new insights and he continues to show us how much he loves us.

So fight for your kids when they are in danger, but allow them some difficulty along the way. Walk beside them, claws ready, and help them discover their own strength and the power of a really big God.